A Complete Guide To Using A Strap On - Enjust

Posted by Katie Smith on

We know shopping for sex toys can be a nightmare! All different shapes, sizes, colours, and more! That’s why Enjust are here to save the day with our complete guide to using and getting a strap on.

enjust guide to lesbian sex using a strap on

The idea that a cisgender woman can strap on a dildo and a harness that makes her sense like a cowboy and a penetrate any other individual, no big deal, basically looks like the epitome of cool to me. However obviously strap-on intercourse may be simply as awkward as penis-in-vagina penetrative intercourse. You can be having a first rate antique time until the dildo pops out or is going within the wrong hollow or you need to switch positions as it's hitting a gap in her vagina that seems like a person's stabbing her with a dildo, which isn't perfect.


I spoke with a bunch of girls and transgender guys who love strap-on sex to walk me through all of the bits and bobs of using a dildo. First matters first: purchase a dildo and a harness.

 

1. You don't need to pick a dildo that looks as if it’s an actual penis.

Stephanie Berman, 34, CEO of POPDildo & The Semenette, says she knows many lesbians who love the kind of dildos that look like penises, but says plenty of other women like more sculptural ones. Then there is a third group that thinks they all look the same in the dark, which is a valid point. The main thing you need to do is bring your partner dildo shopping so you can choose one together. Carly S, 28, general manager of Romantic Depot in NYC, says a good rule to go by is "the wearer picks the color, the receiver picks the size." Carly also recommends finding a provider that gives information on what is safe. Usually silicone is a safe bet.

 

2. Yes, it does matter if your strap-on dildo is well-made or if it's a piece of rubbish you got a good bargain on.

Berman says she once wore a strap-on that was incredibly uncomfortable and cheaply made, and it broke during sex, and I'm guessing no one was psyched to pick up the sad dildo up the ground that had random hair all over it and start again by trying to make a new harness out of a sheet. Now she recommends full kits and harnesses. "It's worth spending the extra money," she says, "Never skimp when it comes to sex and what you put on and in your body!"

 

3. You can totally have different strap-ons for different moods and purposes.

Carly has three different harnesses for different uses and moods. "I have an underwear-style one that I can wear under my clothes, a leather one if that's the mood I'm in, and a Joque one.

 

4. It's really important to manage your expectations about how easy and hot strap-on sex will be.

Victoria, host of sex podcast Livin' and Lovin' in NYC, 33, told me that the fantasy that you'll spontaneously screw and it will go seamlessly needs to be dismissed AS SOON AS POSSIBLE for everyone's sake. The reality is you will have to take a break from fooling around to put the harness on, make sure it's fastened, and get out the lube, which is basically the opposite of spontaneous sex. In general, all the people I spoke with said having a sense of humor about all the potential downfalls and awkward moments is most definitely your best friend (alongside lube...).

 

5. Lube is your BFF!

Every character I spoke with referred to lube at least three instances, so without a doubt do not skimp on the lube state of affairs. Your dildo's material can from time to time dry out your vagina, so it desires a lot more to help it slip inside and outside effectively.

 

6. It will absolutely be awkward when you first put on the strap-on.

Berman stated when she first strapped on a strap-on, it felt undeniably foreign to wear a penis, especially if you feel insecure about your body, or your gender or sexual identity. In her first lesbian relationship, she was a bottom because she'd previously been with men and that's was what she was used to, but once she felt more comfortable with her sexual identity, she was happy to be both a top and a bottom. That said…

 

7. You don't have to just stick with one role of the bottom or the top.

My friend Yvonne, 23, said she loves being both the giver and the receiver of strap-on sex and Victoria echoed similar sentiments. "Many straight people may assume that only one person in each sexual partnership is going to do the pounding, and if one partner is masculine, the assumption is that it's them," Victoria says. "In my case, I'm quite androgynous and tend to date feminine-of-center women, and I love to get drilled. I can't even claim to be that good at doing the drilling myself." Victoria says when she's had partners who were inexperienced with strap-ons and she still wanted them to take the reins in bed, but she told them she didn't expect them to be pros right off the bat. Be open! And don’t be afraid to ask! "Hey, will you put on a harness and nail me with it even though you've never done that before and might be terrified of how weird it will be because it will definitely be a little weird for a bit?" can really make the person you're asking feel a lot more positive about it.

 

8. It's a lot more intimate than having someone use a vibrator on you.

Strap-on sex involves really getting to know someone, because you have to ask what the other person likes in terms of size, shape, color and more!

 

9. Strap-on sex is not a "strap on this dildo and get to it" activity.

It requires a lot of setting up and clean-up after. Laws says he hates seeing strap-on sex in porn or on TV (I can personally only think of one scene in The L Word and of course the Broad City scene with pegging because it's really not seen very often on TV) because it takes a lot more planning and set-up and clean-up than they ever make out in the movies. "Even after an incredible orgasm, the base of a dong is digging into my pelvis, and that's uncomfortable, and body fluids or lube are just kind of messy to leave hanging around, so you have to clean it up," Laws says, "Plus, harnesses always take work to get the right fit, and things slip and move during sex."

 

10. It's not a penis, but you could still use a condom anyway.

Some recommend using a condom on the dildo for easier clean-up because that way you won't have to immediately wash all the dried bodily fluids off the dildo and leave it to dry. Plus, a lot of condoms are lubricated, which will help with any dryness caused by the material of the dildo.

 

11. You should explore your strap-on in your day-to-day activities because why not.

We recommend walking around with the strap-on and stroking it as if you're jerking off, so you can get comfortable with it and "have fun with it" like it's part of your own body.

 

12. Giving a strap-on blow job can be totally hot.

Whatever you do, don’t overthink it, whether you're blowing someone or being blown. If you're the one receiving, once you feel connected to your equipment, you'll see the dildo as an extension of yourself and there'll be more of a mental feeling of stimulation that can translate into the physical. If you're giving, just be enthusiastic no matter what you're doing. Gripping the base of the dildo and grinding that into your partner's pelvis can help with clitoral and vulva stimulation. Just pay attention to the way that they're responding, so you know how much or little to keep grinding.

 

13. Here are all the things that might go wrong with your dildo and O-ring and harness.

Once you have everything fitting right with your harness, you still may have issues. Most often, if you're using multiple dildos in one session or if you're new to strap-ons, you might find that not all your dildos or O-rings are the same size, and they need to have a snug fit or the dildo will wiggle out of the O-ring. Also, your harness snaps might not be up to the challenge of your vigorous sex-having and could come undone, or your straps could eventually get worn out if they're elastic. Seams and connection points can also get weakened over time. Because harnesses aren't cheap, you probably don't have several in your house just chilling, but even if you did, there's still the awkward "now I have to take this off and put another one on and go back to sex like I didn't just leave for 20 minutes" conversation. Laws says he usually doesn't feel like going right back into strap-on sex if any of those mishaps do happen and just moves on to something else. So make sure everything fits and is tightly in place before your boo comes over!

 

14. Don't thrust as much as you might be tempted to thrust.

Carly says a lot of women use their hips way too much when they thrust, and recommends trying to keep your hips straight and thrusting lightly, instead of moving side-to-side.



15. No, you obviously won't have sensation like it's attached to your body, but that doesn't really matter.

Justyn A. Hintze, 27, a sexologist and sexuality educator at the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, says they've always been frustrated that they couldn't feel their partner's body reacting physiologically to the pleasure like they could when they used their hands, but just watching their partner enjoying it is hot enough for a lot of people.

Are you looking to purchase a strap on? If so browse our strap on range here.


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